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《脑科学告诉你：如何利用一天时间实现一个月的工作量？》

efore dinner, imagine completing a month's worth of work

Does it sound absurd? Well, the science shows that there is an unconventional but proven way to do this. This method is the ultimate hack for peak performance and work-life balance, and it will permanently redefine what productivity actually means to you.

I'm Rhian D'Arce, co-founder and CEO of the Flow Research Collective. We've used neuroscience-based principles to train everyone from Audi, Accenture to the US Air Force to access states of flow at will. It turns out there's a neuroscience-based protocol to compress 30 days of output into 11 hours.

In this article, I will break that down for you. This is a protocol you can run to take yourself to an intentionally unsustainable extreme, with the benefit of knowing that it's temporary and that it's time-bound, so that you can produce an extreme result - a month's worth of work, progress, achievement in a single day. It's an Olympian-level feat, challenging to pull off, but doable. And it's called the one-month day.

The one-month day: An Olympian-level feat

I'll never forget my first one-month day. I was temporarily living in New York, working on my Masters in Applied Neuroscience. I did everything I'm about to break down in this article. I managed to write half of the thesis in one day, proofread it, convert it into the necessary academic format, and submit the thing. I left the library high as a kite, finished at 11.30pm on Friday, and couldn't believe I had done it all and was able to take the whole weekend off. It was a heavenly feeling.

Ever since, the one-month day has been an indispensable part of my peak performance toolkit. But before I break down how to execute the one-month day, how is it possible to accomplish a month's worth of work in a single day?

The neuroscience of productivity

Let's run the math. Research suggests that the average knowledge worker does real work for only 2.3 hours per day, or about 46 hours per month. In contrast, research done by McKinsey has shown that executives can increase their productivity by up to 500% when in a flow state at work.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes flow as a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing external seems to matter. A characteristic of the flow state is a potent mix of brain chemicals, dopamine, norepinephrine, endorphins, anandamide, and serotonin that directly enhance our performance.

And this neurochemical change is highlighted in research conducted by Arne Dietrich of the American University of Beirut. Dopamine and norepinephrine sharpen focus and boost pattern recognition and motivation. Endorphins and anandamide increase endurance and enhance creative thinking. And serotonin elevates our mood and helps us stick with challenging tasks.

Considering these neurological shifts, it's easy to see how a 500% productivity boost is possible. But this 500% figure, though astounding, is actually kind of conservative. We've seen elite performers match a full-time day in just 60 to 90 minutes of dedicated time spent on the right work in a flow state. And when you do the flow state stacking we're about to cover, 500% productivity boosts start to sound inevitable.

Still, for our one-month-day calculation, let's be conservative and assume a 400%, a 4x increase in productivity. At four times productivity for 11 hours, you can achieve the equivalent of 44 hours of average work output in that single day.

Now, to show you that a one-month day is possible, let's walk through exactly how to pull it off. In order to make the one-month day a reality, it requires maximizing the four pillars of flow.

The four pillars of flow

First, you have to remove all the flow blockers, things that make flow impossible. Then, you have to increase your flow proneness, that is, your tendency and likelihood of accessing flow at any given moment. You make expert use of flow triggers all throughout the day - these are the preconditions that pop you into a flow state - and finally, you enter and exit the flow cycle multiple times in the day to ensure your brain can sustain the neurochemistry of flow for the entire day.

Don't worry, we're going to cover these along the way as we break down how to set up a schedule and run the one-month day.

Step 1. Isolate the target

The first part of the one-month day happens before the day even begins. Take a moment to consider everything that's on your plate. Consider your current goals and your current plan for the next 30 days or so. If you could snap your fingers and have something be completed in a day that would normally take you about a month, what would that piece of work be?

Bring something to mind to accomplish during your one-month day.

Step 2. Clear the load

In order to pull off the one-month day, your flow-proneness has to be high. Flow proneness refers to your inherent tendency or likelihood to experience flow frequently and easily. Rather than leave this up to chance, we can intentionally clear everything that suppresses flow proneness in advance.

The first is to clear your allostatic load. For the one-month day, your body and brain must be fully recovered. Flow requires neurochemicals that are expensive for the brain to produce. It's not possible to sustain the state for long without proper recovery.

The way to recover is to clear your allostatic load, which is a fancy way of referring to the physical wear and tear that your body and brain accumulates throughout your day to day. To clear your allostatic load, use active recovery protocols.

Active recovery involves engaging actively in activity that accelerates the recovery process, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, and down-regulates your sympathetic nervous system. Things like nature immersion, cold plunges, sauna, and massage.

And of course, get seven to nine hours of sleep. The key to getting successful sleep is to go to bed deaf, blind, cold, and hungry. Deaf means blocking out all sound and using some kind of earbuds. Blind is easiest done by using an eye shade. Cold means having the temperature cold. And hungry means not eating at least three hours before bed.

You can track how low your allostatic load is and how high your recovery is before your one-month day by looking at your heart rate variability, your HRV, which is a key indicator of fitness stress and readiness for peak performance. You want to aim to get your HRV at or above your usual average 30-day range to heighten your flow proneness and be fit for the one-month day.

If there are any acute stressors in your life, save the one-month day for another day. You don't want to be doing a one-month day on the break of getting sick or after having had a week of terrible sleep or being plagued with jet lag.

The second piece is to clear your cognitive load. Research has shown that flow triggers work by decreasing cognitive load. Start with erasing all possible decisions from the day. Don't wake up wondering where you're going to work, what you'll wear, or what you'll eat. Prep your clothes, commute, and food the night before.

Save all decision making for your time spent in flow on the work. Rather than on the minutia within the day required to get to doing the work. Treat this process as if you're preparing for a 3 a.m. flight where every detail is planned out the night before.

Your bags are packed, you're checked in for the flight, your boarding pass and passport are already in your pocket and you have a ride to get to the airport. That's the level of preparation needed to truly pull off a one-month day.

The next step for clearing cognitive load is to wrap up all loose ends, go through all your texts, respond to everything as needed, ping whoever you need to ping, and wrap up any final dangling tasks. The rule here is zero open loops are allowed for the one-month day.

The final step for clearing your cognitive load is to set your workspace up to be a flow dojo. A chaotic physical environment mirrors mental chaos. So organize your workspace as carefully as you would arrange the tree lights, stockings and gifts for the kids on Christmas morning.

Step 3. Guard yourself against flow blockers

Now that you've cleared the load to boost your flow proneness, it's time to guard yourself against everything that will threaten your ability to hit the target that we've already set during your one-month day.

And that brings us to number three, which is to build an impenetrable flow fortress within which you're going to carry out your one-month day.

First, free yourself from the phone. If working at an office, keep your phone at home. Leave it there. If working at home, turn it off and store it in the back shed. Lock it up or give it to your spouse. Whatever you've got to do. The rule here is simple. It's out of reach and hard to even access.

Keeping your phone in the room, even if it's off, is like keeping your car door open all night. You'll drain the battery of your brain. Your brain has to work hard to ignore the phone's constant promise of effortless reward, of easy dopamine.

My flow fortress is here in LA in a garage and what I like to do is turn off the phone and put it in my bedroom which is on the floor above. Out of sight, out of mind.

The next thing we want to do is to go dark. No emails, texts, calls or instant messaging. All notifications turned off and we want to inform people beforehand that we're not going to be available for the entire day. Everyone needs to know you'll be unreachable and you need the peace of mind that you won't be interrupted.

Then you want to block everything on your computer except what you're working on. Use tools like self-control or freedom to make accessing specific sources of distraction nearly impossible.

And of course, you want to set up a disruption-free environment. Research by Gloria Mark highlights the hidden cost of disrupted work. Even a small task switch increases stress, drains cognitive resources, and extends the time it takes to finish a task.

Even after the disruption ends, your brain needs a significant chunk of time, about 21 minutes, to regain concentration. This is why trying to do a one-month day in an office with the disruptions of swarming colleagues or at home with kids running around will not work, not even close.

If needed, check into a hotel or co-working space for the day. There's even famous stories of people booking 15-plus hour-long flights and doing their one-month day to protect themselves from interruption.

You'll love having this kind of impenetrable attention, and you'll notice how deep the flow state that you end up immersing in will become.

The last step in building a flow fortress is to make self-distraction impossible. During the one-month day, you can count on this happening. You're deep in the flow, words flying, code compiling, creativity crackling, and then BAM! An idea unrelated to your task pops in.

An errand you forgot to run intrudes with urgency. Or you think of something you need to tell a colleague. Well, if you give in to these distracting thoughts, your focus will fracture like a dropped mirror, shattering slowly into multiple pieces.

These sorts of thoughts are particularly likely to drop into your head when you're offline. That's because it's easy to get worried about not checking in. The way to deal with this impulse to self-distract is to take a note, take a breath, and then take a quick walk.

That is, keep a notepad with you during your one month day specifically dedicated to externalizing the thoughts that will pop up. So rather than acting on those thoughts, you jot them down. You get it out of your head to lower cognitive load and then you get back into flow.

With all distractions and disruptions guarded against, it's time to dive into the one month day itself.

Step 4. Flow block stacking

When you run the one month day you are flow stacking and specifically you are stacking flow blocks together. A flow block is a discrete chunk of time usually one to two hours in which you allocate all of your attention to the task at hand so that you tap into flow and milk that flow state for all that it is worth.

Here's how you can dive into your first flow block when your brain is the most primed for flow.

Step 5. Wake up and flow

My partner Stephen Kotler has written over a dozen best-selling books. He wrote all of them by waking up at 4:30 to the borderline between alpha and theta. This is a way to shortcut it. Even if you're half asleep and groggy, drop right into your most important task. Within 15 minutes, you'll wake up in a flow state while working.

This dream-to-waking state is when your flow-proneness is naturally at its peak. It might be a struggle at first, state 1 of the flow cycle being the struggle phase, but once you get through the initial rough patch, you release into a flow state more quickly.

Step 6. Cement the commitment

During the one-month day, as you move through one flow block after another, entering and exiting the flow cycle multiple times in a single day, it's key to not let yourself get derailed during any of your quick breaks.

For me, the biggest saboteur of the one-month day is when I let its specialness erode. For example, checking my WhatsApp just for a minute in the morning. Getting one quick call in because it's really important and I felt I couldn't delay it.

I've learned that the one month day needs to be completely categorically distinct from every other day in your life. You want to think of it like a cherished holiday tradition. You faithfully observe all the rituals that make it special.

You need the one month day to be sacrosanct. Too important, valuable or special to be interfered with. It will erode into normalcy and the composure will fall apart.

So to make the one-month day sacrosanct, we can leverage a powerful external flow trigger and use our cognitive biases to work for us instead of against us.

First, we can embed the external flow trigger of high consequences. As action sports athletes can attest, a high consequence environment demands that we summon a higher degree of skill and focus than what is typically required. In the brain, the higher-consequence flow trigger activates the amygdala, which processes emotions like fear and anxiety.

It signals to the rest of the brain that something important is at stake, thereby increasing neurochemical responses. Adrenaline, dopamine, and norepinephrine are released, sharpening focus and reaction time.

To heighten the high consequences, ritualize the one-month day. Treat it as a sacred experience. You're dedicating yourself to accelerating your most meaningful impact or goals.

For example, you can check into your dream hotel, work in the lobby during the day, and buy the highest-end massage in the spa. Pay to make it an event, a special event, a sacrosanct day that you are backing with finances to create financial stakes.

There's immense pleasure in ritualizing this. Buy your favorite snacks or meal. Wear your favorite clothes. Schedule your favorite social gathering for the next day. and do the most pleasurable recovery activities - that ice bath and sauna that you love - a beach workout - pepper the day with pleasurable rewards.

Investing in making the one-month day sacrosanct leverages our cognitive biases in our favor - in particular, the sunk cost fallacy. Once you've invested in setting up the perfect work conditions, your brain will fight to avoid squandering the resources you spent on that setup.

This urges us to stay consistent and combats the temptation to give up and boosts your motivation to power through the one-month day.

The building blocks for running a one-month day

Now that you have the building blocks for running a one-month day, let's dive into the actual hour-by-hour schedule.

Most people have one of two reactions to this when they see it. Reaction one, isn't this a recipe for overworking and burnout? Well, in reality, working too hard isn't really a thing. Under-recovering is.

And part of how we get in the right amount of recovery, which replenishes our energy, is by entering and exiting the flow cycle multiple times in a single day.

The beauty with the one month day is that you are oscillating like an Olympian from extreme exertion to extreme recovery and back to extreme exertion.

So let's bring this schedule to life with a quick play by play. This play by play is based on the schedule of early risers, those who wake up at around 5 a.m. Rising early isn't a prerequisite. Your biology will have its unique prime time. Just start when you're most flow prone historically.

If you are an early riser, move the start of the day up a few hours and run the equivalent schedule starting a little bit later.

Here's what a one-month day actually looks like.

5 a.m. to 8 a.m., we have flow block one. Your eyes open because you prioritize sleep. You feel alert instead of groggy. For the first flow block, wake up and flow. This is your body's prime time. Pull up the task you carefully targeted the night before and dive in. Push past any initial struggle and then let that momentum build.

Most people can flow for an hour before needing a quick boredom break. Focused attention draws on cognitive control resources, which deplete over time. A brief non-stimulating break allows these resources to replenish, much like a muscle resting.

The key is to keep these breaks short and non-stimulating. Don't do anything that will suck you in and prevent you from getting back into flow. Just sit there and stare at a blank wall for a few minutes, and you'll be surprised by how quickly you'll regain energy and be itching to get back to work.

Now, 8 to 9 a.m., we're going to do some non-stimulating recovery. You've banked three hours of ultra-efficient time spent in flow. You've moved through the flow cycle, struggle, release, flow. Now it's time to do the fourth phase, recovery.

To recover, take a longer break. Do a flow-proneness reboot. Meditate. Do yoga. Take a cold shower and incubate. Come up with ideas from your work. Integrate what you've just completed. Ideally, you remain in a fasted state. Food can often be a flow deterrent, depending on your metabolic fitness and health.

You can remove this variable for another three hours. If needed, have 100 mg of caffeine to stave off hunger and 200 mg of L-theanine for a significant cognitive boost with the L-theanine cutting down any angst the caffeine might bring on.

This primes you for the next flow block, 9am to 12pm. It's time to jump into another three hours of flow. As long as you didn't get distracted, you should be raring to go. It's time to restart the flow cycle, roll up your sleeves, take a breath, push past the struggle phase, and watch tasks vanish steadily from your list as you continue your relentless pace.

From 12 to 1 p.m., we want non-stimulating recovery again. You've moved through the first three phases of the flow cycle and gone to the other side. To keep this pace up, a quick recovery is needed. Take a nap, a quick walk, or do some stretching.

From 1 p.m. to 4 p.m., it's time for flow block three. You've had a chance to reboot and recover. Now it's time to jump back into the fray. You've got three more hours to keep the momentum going.

From 4 p.m. to 5 p.m., we want non-stimulating recovery again. You've moved through the first three phases of the flow cycle and gone to the other side. To keep this pace up, a quick recovery is needed. Take a nap, a quick walk, or do some stretching.

From 5 p.m. to 8 p.m., the fourth flow block. This is it. Approach these last three hours of flow like it's the end of a marathon. When competing with world-class competitors, it's that final stretch, even the last ten seconds, that leads to victory.

Have water handy. Open the window for fresh air. Crank the air conditioner to keep you vigilant. Blast some epic tunes as you're working to stay in the zone. Leave nothing in the tank in this final flow sprint. Persist and finish the day strong.

Then at 8pm we want to recover and relax. Congratulations! By flow stacking and repeatedly entering and exiting the flow cycle, you've managed to get 11 intense, deeply focused hours of flow state wedged into a single day.

Now, there's a way to get even more out of the one-month day, and that is to supercharge your creative rumination before, during, and afterward. To learn how, click the video on screen.

摘要

这段视频讲述了作者对高效学习方法的见解，特别是通过理解和应用认知负荷理论（CLT）来提高学习效率。视频强调了深度理解的重要性，并探讨了如何通过去除冗余信息、分割复杂任务以及赋予学习内容意义等策略来实现这一目标。

亮点

• 📚 深度理解是深度创作的前提，了解什么是理解以及大脑在理解过程中的活动至关重要。
• 💡 理解记忆与理解之间的关系，认识到工作记忆是有限的，而组块化能帮助我们更有效地利用有限的记忆资源。
• 🤔 提出“去除冗余”策略，即减少不必要的信息，使学习者能够更快地抓住关键点。
• 🔍 强调分割策略的重要性，即将复杂任务分解成更小的部分，有助于逐步理解和掌握。
• 🎯 通过赋予学习内容意义，使其与已知知识联系起来，从而加深理解和记忆。

#认知负荷理论 #高效学习方法

思考

• 观众可能对于“组块化”具体如何运作存在疑问？
• 如何在实际学习过程中更好地应用“去除冗余”的策略？
• 分割策略是否适用于所有类型的学习内容？

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她为什么不喜欢你？她最想要的究竟是什么？如何在恋爱中拥有自由？

他为什么不喜欢我

我身上到底缺少什么？

这应该是失恋后最令人纠结困惑的问题了。覆水难收，木已成舟。我们是如此需要一个所谓的理由来自我慰藉，实现内心的自洽与逻辑的闭合。但令我心痛的是啊，很多兄弟给自己的理由居然是因为我没钱，因为我不够帅，不够高，不够铁等等。兄弟们一定要警醒，这些理由虽然能让你把失恋合理化，达到止痛的效果，但是如果你真的信了，他们就会从止痛的麻醉剂变成戒不掉的，让你变得自卑，敏感易怒甚至厌女，让你离美好的爱情渐行渐远。

而你之所以会归因错误，就是因为你完全不理解女性在恋爱中的诉求。那么，接下来的几期节目呢，我会借着可怜的东西，这部精彩的女性主义电影，带兄弟们探究一下，女生在恋爱中想要的究竟是什么。欢迎收看我的栏目，看电影学恋爱。我是猫铁咖啡。

把一个婴儿的大脑 移植到一个成年女性的身体里 会发生什么呢

这部电影的初始设定，可见电影探索的是女性心智的成长，也深刻地反映出了，女性在恋爱中的三大心理诉求，那就是自由感，体验感和安全感。作为男性，才能找到你和女生发展情感的正确模式。本期节目呢，我们就先来看女生在第一阶段的主要诉求，自由感。

在电影中，BELA的创造者兼养父god，为了保护懵懂弱小的他，就聘请自己的学生来观测记录BELLA的生活起居，并且严格限制他抛头露面，控制不住呢就强制关机，甚至为了让贝拉下半生有保障啊，还私自定下了他跟学生的婚事，并为之拟定了详细的法律文件。但BELA在性觉醒之后啊，对自由的渴望愈发强烈。最终在花花公子DUNCAN的诱惑下，离家出走，周游世界。

我觉得DUNCAN用自由去诱惑BA的这个片段呢，非常能体现女性对自由感的诉求。下面我们就一起来看一下吧。

You are watching long Not long You did not see me working on myself to get happiness to you It is not polite I know Do not care for polite society It's boring destroys My soul god not believe in So i think godzz actual Or the sole idea Godwin baxter The burt dog What is that story You're a prisoner that aim to free Something in you Someone hungry Being hungry for experience Freedom Touch to see the unknown And kno

So why am i here You ask i'm going to lisbon friday I like you to come lisbon of portugal that is lisbon I speak of god Never allow it So i'm not asking him I'm asking him Bella not safe with you I think you are absolutely Not

我们看到张肯并不介意看到BELLA做下流的事情，并且面对BEL的担忧啊，还自信的否定掉了一切的文明礼，既然文明礼仪是用来约束行为的，但否定他不就意味着我的内心是自由的吗。同样对于BA提到的权威父亲，当肯更是毫不留情的说他是烧伤的狗，还说自己要从牢笼中解放碑了，这种顺应欲望的说辞啊，不禁让BELA拍手称快，然后DK用欣赏和赞同的语气，去描述BELA内心的欲望，这让贝拉觉得眼前的男人真是太懂自己了，于是产生了强烈的共鸣。当贝拉说父亲不允许时呢，donkey又说，所以我是在征询你的意见呢，这句回答实在太厉害了，既表达了对权威的蔑视，又凸显了对女生的重视。

接着贝拉严肃地说，我觉得跟你在一起不安全，邓肯不仅没有反驳，还邪魅一笑说对，当然不安全了，他之所以要强调不安全，就是因为他洞悉了BEL对自由的极度渴望，而自由的代价呢就是要放弃一部分的安全，所以渴望自由就是渴望危险和不确定性，所以不安全在贝拉眼中就根本不是贬义词啊，那么为啥还要反驳呢，最后DK在轻咬一口妹子的纤纤玉手，更是强化了感官的刺激，把危险和性感在女孩的眼前彻底具象化了，果然逗得白了，心花怒放，欲罢不能。

不只是本片，几乎所有的爱情电影，最开始让女生心动的上钩的，都是男主气质中自由积极的一面，可见女生在恋爱中最先嗅到的就是自由的气息。那么到底什么是自由感呢？很简单，就是对约束和规训的反叛，是被压抑的欲望得以释放的快感。大家想想，同样是谈恋爱，为什么早恋就比相亲刺激1万倍啊？很简单，因为早恋是在竞技和压抑下释放的欲望，所以你可以把自由感看作是开闸后，奔腾而出的洪水，它的两个前提就是既要有很多的欲望之水，还要被约束规训的大坝阻拦，压制了很久。

放在女生身上啊，他们从小被认为是脆弱的，是容易被伤害的，是需要被保护的，这就导致相比于男生，女生的禁忌更多，约束和规训也更繁琐。而这就是压制他们欲望的大坝。这种约束和规训，从男性的视角来看，你会觉得是对弱者的保护和负责，但是对女性而言呢，他们感受到的就是某种程度的被囚禁和被控制，而这就是BELLA如此渴望自由的根本原因。

之后通过跟DUNCAN谈恋爱，BELLA获得了一定的自由，这一情节呢也非常符合女性恋爱的第一阶段，所谓第一阶段就是20岁左右的妙龄少女阶段，BELA的性觉醒的象征着女生进入了性别红利期，对现实生活中的女孩呢，就是他们刚刚进入大学或社会，年轻靓丽，只要稍微打扮一下呀，就根本不缺男性追求者，这种择偶的自由啊，让女生顺理成章的变成了恋爱进程的主宰者，恋爱关系的决定者，甚至每个女生对爱情都可以有自己的理解，无论多么荒唐，只要有男生追她呢就是合理的。

况且从小到大，父母学校领导上司上都在管束着女生，但唯独追求他们的男生啊，势必会顺着他们，可见恋爱关系中的这种空前的自由，是他们在任何其他社会关系中都不曾体会过的，带来的快感呢自然也是难以抗拒的。因此对于年轻的女孩，自由感的诉求绝对是最最重要的，而这也正是发生在贝拉身上的，虽然父亲管着他，但情人顺着他，那跟情人谈恋爱，自然就是获得自由的最优解了。所以兄弟们一定要意识到，对于20岁左右的女生，自由感有多么的重要。

大家想想，如果你的女朋友管着你，不让你抽烟喝酒，不让你出去乱花钱，跟兄弟们玩乐，那你大概率会觉得他是心疼你，关心你，在为你考虑未来。但是如果男生企图管束他的小女友，不让她去夜店跟姐妹happy，不让她买包包买化妆品，那这个女生一定会觉得男人是在企图控制我，一定会心想，我为什么要给自己找个爹呀，换个顺着我的男友不香吗。

所以针对年轻女性在恋爱中，对自由感的强烈诉求啊，兄弟们一定要记住猫哥，我总结了以下三大结论：

1. 没有恋爱经历的女生，对自由感的诉求通常特别高，因为他们处于黄金时期，多的是选择，没必要自讨没趣，找个男人来管自己啊，更关键的是啊，对于这种自我意识太强的人，是很难发展出长期关系的，因为长期关系的本质就是男女双方的相互驯化，而自由感诉求太高的人呢，就会像是渴望奔腾的野马一样，很难被驯化，这也是初恋注定会失败的根本原因。不过只要这个女生谈过几次恋爱，并且真心想发展长期关系，那她一定是愿意用自由感去兑换，体验感和安全感的。
2. 在追求女生的过程中，千万不要去说教，更不要用强力或规则去训诫女生，这就要求兄弟们自己，要保持内心的自由和精神的独立，如果你自己都不是一个思想开明的人，脑子里一套套三从四德的封建规矩，墨守成规，迷信权威，那么女生跟你相处时是不可能轻松自在的，他只会觉得你爹味下头。当然你也不能一味顺从女生变成舔狗，因为能让女生兴奋激动的是自由感，也就是打破已有束缚的那种新鲜感，而不是你持续无底线的放纵和宠爱。
3. 要洞悉他受到的约束和相应的需求，这样才能为女生在恋爱中创造出自由感，注意是洞悉，而不是倾听，因为恋爱对女生来说是一件很情绪化的事情，大部分情况下他们是当局者迷的，是不知道自己想要什么的，所以大家不要去听他们嘴上说了什么，而是要去思考他们内心缺的是什么，比如很多女生会说，我只是想找一个爱我的，对我好的人，但他们绝对不会答应那些最爱他们，对他们最好的舔狗，还的女生会说，我只想要一份真挚的爱情，但面对最真挚的大学初恋，他们却放弃的非常果决，所以你要像电影中的DUNCAN一样，虽然听到贝拉嘴上说不好，不让不安全，但依然能火眼金睛，洞悉贝拉内心对自由的渴望。

好，今天我就分析到这里，其实谈恋爱和其他一切人际关系一样，都是交换和博弈的共同体，交换就是对方得到他想要的，你也得到你想要的，那么为了让对方满意，你就一定要理解对方的诉求，反过来呢，为了让自己满意，让对方给出自己想要的，就要掌握博弈的技巧。这也是猫哥，我刚才归纳出这三条结论的意义之存在，请大家点赞评论转发，让我们在恋爱中一起成长，下期见。Bye，Kiss me and set me forth，If you do not belinsides should turn rot in with hate，Hate hate。